


back to our future

by orjustkukki



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: (i'll add more as the story goes on), Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Complicated love story, F/M, Hurt, M/M, Made up villain, Mind Control, a lot of - Freeform, it takes place a while after the movie, okay so this is chaos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-15 23:46:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18679750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orjustkukki/pseuds/orjustkukki
Summary: AFTER ENDGAME!!! SPOILER!!!Bucky was used to a lot of things. Ignoring feelings, having is mind controlled and killing. But he wasn't used to be a hero, to save anyone nor was he used to what failure means when having somewhat a family.Bucky has to go back in time to find Steve. A new villain took control over Bucky's present and he doesn't know anyone else who could help. But messing with time has it's consequences and time is running out.





	1. back in time

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there  
> So I decided to write a stucky fanfic. Or someone decided and I had somewhat an idea (thanks to @idontfeelsogoodmrstark). So have this kinda confusing story filled with angst.  
> I'll put content warnings in here if needed.
> 
> See ya

Bucky didn’t trust time machines, but he had to. Right now, he had to because he had to help, no save the others. Get them back.

Be a hero – just once.

He didn’t trust time machines because of what happened all those years ago. Ice was a time machine too, very slow, colder, but he traveled in time without even knowing. Now he had to travel in time with his eyes open, carefully watching so he didn’t miss his point in time to jump out of it.

He watched Bruce the last time, he knew how to get the time machine going and he installed a time switch so the machine would turn down on its own.

Click – click – click.

Whirring.

He hated the sound, reminded him of his own arm and all he tried to forget about it. Fear and anger almost took away his breath as he walked up the machine, checking his belt for the second (dieses ding an der hand) and took a deep breath. And again. And again.

Then he fell.


	2. knock knock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think <3

He stumbled over grass as he came out of the Quantum Realm. A backyard in autumn, leaves covering most of the green, it smelled like rain. Bucky did not know how he landed here. Hell, he didn’t even know if his plan – hoping he would find the right point in time without knowing where this point was – would work.

But it seemed like he did, because he heard a voice from inside the house and his heart beat faster against his ribs, wanting him to fell, wanting him to listen.

But he didn’t.

Listening to his heart, and that’s what life kept up teaching him, was by far one of the worst ideas. Listening to what his heart wanted, what his heart believed to be true would only cause trouble.

It did decades ago when he wanted to do something bigger than getting drunk and rescuing Steve from people who knew how to fist fight.

It did years ago when he caused arguments, almost like a civil war between Tony and Steve – because freedom was a lie he really believed for a moment and Steve git infected with it.

It did a while ago when he didn’t ask Steve to come back, to stay with him because he … Bucky shook his head, clenching his fist to cope with fear and anger – again – and walked around the house, trying to not be seen by those who lived there.

He took a deep breath.

And again.

And again.

He knocked.

Silence. Then someone walked up to the door and opened. Blue eyes, a little smile. Bucky was pretty sure he never saw Steve this relaxed in his whole life.

“Hey, Steve. I need your help”, Bucky said, clenching his fists again because he didn’t want to hug him, he didn’t want to … He was here for a reason and it was not the fact that he wanted to make the mistake of listening to his heart again.

Steve looked at him, the smile crumbled.

“Who are you?”


	3. keeping doors shut

Bucky knew he did the same to Steve years ago. He forgot himself, he forgot what was between them. But he never knew how it was.

Being forgotten.

Being replaced.

He starred at Steve with wide eyes and anger almost took over.

“It’s me. Bucky. You … you don’t remember me?”

“I don’t know you, that’s all I know.” Glass shattered somewhere and it took Bucky to long to listen to his heart, for half a second. It broke into pieces.

“Steve, I don’t have time for this. We all don’t have time for this, you have to come with me. You have to …”

“Look, I don’t know where you came from and I don’t know who you are, but I certainly won’t help you unless you explain everything to me.”

“Steve, please.” Bucky felt like crying – he never thought he could since it has been decades since the last time. Just ignoring feelings may had one positive aspect.

“I’m sorry”, Steve said, but he didn’t sound like he meant it. How could he? He didn’t know anything, he forgot Bucky, he forgot the rest of them. How could this happen?

Steve didn’t close the door between them, he wasn’t exactly sure what to do – neither was Bucky.

“Dad?” A little girl came up to Steve, followed by a boy. “Who is this?”

Bucky knew, he saw, that Steve wanted to say that he didn’t know, but he smiled at the kids and lied or told the truth he forgot.

“An old friend.”

“Should we invite him for dinner?”, the boy asked. He looked like Peggy, talked like her.

“No, we’re just talking. Go back inside, I’ll be back in a minute.” He closed the door behind him as soon as the kids ran off.

“I don’t know you, Barnes, and I don’t know what you want from me.”

“I …”

“And you don’t look like someone to ask me to open a jar of pickles, but to end a war.” Bucky didn’t answer. There was no war going on.

It was chaos. Complete chaos and he was the only one who could help because he was the only one left of them.

“So, I have to ask you to leave me and my family alone. I don’t know you and I certainly can’t help you.” He took a step back and closed the door between them.


	4. barnes

Bucky walked down and unknown street without any kind of emotion.

He thought of the empty faces of people who called him a friend, of people he dared to call somewhat a family. He thought of how shadows pierced through bodies and how fear screamed high enough to just let some of them drop dead.

He was used to not have any control over himself, he knew how to resist puppet strings and words that trigger killer instincts.

But the others didn’t. The reacted with anger, with fear, with fighting without knowing who they’ll hurt. But He had them under control.

He.

Bucky looked into the afternoon, turning evening sky and hid a dry laughter. Fuck, he of all? He of them all? He was no hero.

He was a soldier.

A weapon maybe, no for certain.

He was supposed to kill or die, not to save anyone.

He thought of Carol. She was the first one. It was impossible, it should have been impossible, but she died first. Not really died, she was controlled by Him. But the Carol he knew, the Carol they all knew died that day. She came back from a space mission thing and they all could tell she was different.

One after another.

All of them.

The sky changed colors and Buck reached the end of the street, a forest in front of him.

All of them, but him.

James Buchanan Barnes had to stop a monster he could not even see, but he knew it was there. Worse than Hydra, worse than his own mind.

And this time failing meant not only dying, but it also meant his friends would stay this way. They would stay haunted, controlled. He wished he could have prevented this.

He stopped.

Froze in the middle of his next step.

Barnes.

Steve called him Barnes.

Steve called him Barnes.

He remembered.

Or at least something in him did.


End file.
